Insanity Laughs...

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

I’ve been sitting here and thinking about it. I don’t want to write a letter to the people who bullied me in high school, who I would also classify as the people I hate most, and that definitely caused me the most pain.

They know how much I loathe them. I’ve written notes about them on my old blogs/myspace/windows live space etc…not to mention how many times I told them as much.

I don’t feel like doing it again.

They are cruel and as I’ve gotten older, while I still struggle with self-esteem issues because of the way they treated me, I have come to realize that these girls were the pathetically insecure ones. They had to pull pranks on me and insult me (and countless other girls at my school who equally didn’t deserve it) because it made them feel like a superior being. How depressing for them, really.

All the times they made drunken fools of themselves, all the girls they ridiculed in front of others. The backstabbing, the gossiping, the inhumane treatment. I am almost glad I was a victim rather than having to be one of them, trapped in such a horrible existence.

Ehhh, sorry, I am going to stop now.

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

My darling Britty,

I miss you so much…it’s kind of ridiculous that we’ve only seen each other one time since graduation…and that was in passing at the job fair.

You were my biggest support throughout college, especially in the end when it was just the two of us left! I don’t know if I ever expressed that enough…you helped me a lot with things I didn’t quite grasp, that your supergenius brain understood instantly. You also helped me stay motivated, and we shared the mutual struggles of having GB as our thesis supervisors. Coffee dates, bistro dinners, just another day in the life eh? Besides that, We have had so many good times between school, college parties, our Darien Lake trips, concerts and…let’s not forget your beautiful wedding!

It sucks I don’t drive and your house is so far away from anywhere I can take a bus or train to :( I bet it is so beautiful, and I can’t wait to see it eventually. I also can’t wait to hear the eventual news that you and Robbie are expecting (can’t wait! can’t wait! can’t wait! Make that happen soon, eh?), and are turning all those extra bedrooms into nurseries :D Have a whole baseball team, you’ve got the fields for it…just save one for your goats!

I hope to get to see you soon,

Your old roommate, your old classmate,

Shannon xoxo

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

I was about to sit down and write this letter to James Stewart, because I kinda worship him and love his voice…but I googled it and it turns out he died in 1997. FRIG. But I want to meet Freddie Mercury more, so I am going to write my Day 11 (somebody who’s passed away you wish you could talk to) letter to him. Sorry Jimmy. No letter for you.

And I also have no idea who to write to…I will have to come back to this letter later on….

After sitting here for 35 minutes not writing, I give up temporarily :)

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Hai gurl hai!

I was looking forward to writing this letter. Over the years I’ve added a few random people to my msn that I’d met from msg boards or whatever, but I never really talked to any of them after maybe a month or two. But here we are Clau, approaching the 5 year “anniversary” of when we first talked to each other, I believe it was October some time of 2005. We went through the phases, you got me on MySpace, and when I left it, you made me join again :P and then I talked you into Facebook. Then LJ (which I used for maybe 3 days), and twitter came and went..and now Tumblr too. We both love the same movies, music, books et maintenant on parle Français comme Amelie Poulain!

I always say (usually in my almost daily explanation of my MCR tattoo) that My Chem did a lot for me…but beyond soothe ma soul (with their lyrics of blowing their brains against the ceiling…and so on…hahaha God, I was a little emo child), they also led to our eventual meeting on whatever that fan site was we were both on at that time.

You’re one of the funniest people to have a conversation with, and you’re an absolute doll. Totally gorgeous too!

xoxo Shen

Day 7 — Your Ex-Crush

(I APOLOGIZE FOR MY LANGUAGE IN THIS ONE…UGH, I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE TO WRITE THIS ONE AT ALL)

Dear boy who never wore that purple shirt again because I said I liked it…

I will never know what I was thinking for thinking I liked you. I will never know what I was thinking when I actually told you about it.

And when your friends found out and to seem cool to them, you started treating me worse than they all did…I will never know what I was thinking when I didn’t call you a fucking asshole. Because, you were a fucking asshole. And you weren’t truly that kind of person, which is the sad thing. Your reputation as a “cool kid” mattered more to you than the realization you were hurting another person.

You were pretty much a huge cunt, and I’ll probably think that til the day you apologize for being a worse human being than those vapid bitches you hung out with…which I know will never happen.

Sincerely,

Someone who hopes to never run into you again.

Day 6 - A Stranger

Dear two girls that get on the city bus every day,

I see you two get on the bus quite frequently. You guys are both so gorgeous, and I am in envy of a lot of your clothes. I have a question for you though. You guys look SO much a like. Your faces are very similar, and you have the same hair color and complexion and some of your clothes are matching…but your hair cuts are vastly different, and you are different heights. Are you guys twins? It’s mindboggled me since day 1. I think you are, but my boyfriend doesn’t think so. He thinks it’s possible that you’re maybe sisters…but not twins. I want to ask you guys, but I would feel like a moron if I said “Are you guys twins?” and then you were like “No, we’re not related at all.” Haha. Ah well.

Also girl with the short hair, I see you get off the bus and then immediately pull out a cigarette from your purse. I wish you didn’t smoke, it’s not good for you!

I had to write a letter to a stranger, and that’s all I have to say to you two, really.

Sincerely, a fellow early morning city bus rider.

Day 5 - Your Dreams

Dear (night time) Dreams,

Stop being nightmares and dreams about fucked up things I don’t understand. Last night I dreamt I was trapped in my high school, with a bunch of people with facepaint on drinking tea, who were holding me hostage while I was trying to go to the funeral of one of my residents from work, who’d somehow drowned herself by fainting, which caused her head to land in a toilet. SERIOUSLY. WTF, subconscious. W.T.F.

Oh and two nights ago I dreamt I was at my cottage and the lake was teeming with teensy weensy squid whose tentacles grew to monstrous proportions when they grabbed onto you, and these creatures that were half robot, half shark. HUH? ROBOT SHARKS? Are you trying to get me to watch Shark Week? I don’t have Discovery. Get over it. Oh and in the dream, my 76 year old uncle surfed out to them and shot them with a giant laser gun. Mmm hmm.

Somebody once told me not to eat spicy food before bed, and both of those nights I did. I think I need to lay off the hot wings and curried food. Siiiigh.

Sincerely, your dreamer.

Day 4 - Your Sibling (or closest relative)

Big brother,

Oi veh…it’s been a while since I did my last letter for the Letter Challenge, and it’s mostly because I was avoiding the shit out of writing this one.

I never really know how to talk to you. Because the burnt bridge of a relationship we have is like the elephant in the room. You usually pretend it’s not the case, forcing me to pretend it’s not the case too, so that I am not the one causing the fight.

Let’s face it, we have never been close, and since grade 11, that first time your issues became apparent, shit’s been bad between us. My every day life was like watching Intervention, and I hated it. Moving away for college was like an escape, “out of sight, out of mind.” But it never went away, really. You just sort of did, literally. And now that you’re gallivanting around out west, nobody REALLY knows what’s going on with you anymore. You move too much for us not to be suspicious, but how can we know. It’s turned your problems into another goddamn elephant in the room. So we pretend our lives are good, our relationships are peachy keen and that’s that. It’s kind of bullshit, really.

But whatever. Hopefully one day everything will be back to normal, and we’ll have calm again. I will always be bitter, I think. It’s a hard one to let go. You may have never seen my tattoo, but it’s a direct msg to you. You can only have one or the other, buddy.

- Your aggravated, but still loving (honest), little sister

Day 3 — Your parents / The person you miss the most

Dear Mom and Dad,

It was fantastic to see you this weekend, how we let it go so long each time, I will never know. Let’s try to hang out BEFORE Christmas this time?

Anyway, I just want to say that having you guys as parents has been a blessing from day 1. Being adopted, I could have ended up with anybody, and had any other life. But I don’t think it would have been as good as it always was with you.

The amount of support you have offered me over the years, through rough times (emotionally, financially, health-wise) is so astronomical, I couldn’t even begin to count it. I was spoiled, too much I think, but I love you guys so much for wanting me to have the best of everything you could provide.

I know you are proud of me, and that makes me very happy, because that is what I work toward more than anything else. I love you both, and can’t wait to see you soon, I hope!

Love always,

Your daughter

Day 2 - Your Crush

Dear Adrien Brody,

I love you. You are so unconventionally sexy and you are oozing with charisma. I liked you scrawny, but you’re pretty hot all ripped too. You are a great actor, but I wish you’d stop picking shit roles. Like, really. PREDATORS? God, man. Anyway, make another great movie soon…I’ve still got hope for you!

Love, a big fan

PS: Lots of people ragged on you about it, but I fucking loved your silver suit. :)

hahaha. Ok, this is not really a serious letter. I just really like Adrien Brody. I only drool over celebrities, since I have Richard, but he gets his letter soon enough :)

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Dear Stephanie,

Writing this letter (as it is the first one, and I know not if you’ll read this or not. I know you read my blog sometimes) feels incredibly odd and awkward, kind of like those fantastic answering machine messages we leave each other…well, that I leave you anyway.

I DO hope you read this eventually. Although I would like to think I have expressed all of these things to you at some point or another, anyway.

Here goes. Steph, you are my best friend for a million reasons, but the main reason is that you are simply the kindest soul I have ever met. You are so thoughtful, and funny, and being around you is so easy, it is like you are my other half. Sometimes I feel like whatever higher being that’s up there foresaw my terrible sibling situation, and caused us to meet knowing that we’d be perfect friends and that I would come to consider you like a sister. Because that’s what you are to me.

I wish we hung out even more than we already do, and when the time comes…buy a really big suitcase and stuff me in it so that I might come to Ireland with you? Ireland. Sheesh, you lucky bitch. :)

I love you forever and always, and I can’t wait to have you next to me at my eventual wedding to my darling Richtard, assuming he doesn’t spontaneously combust from rage the next time we play Apples to Apples <3

-Shenno

Letter Challenge

A wonderful tumblr I follow did what he calls a 30 day letter challenge. I am kind of editing the list down (some of the letter subjects would be the same so I am pairing them up…and there are a few that just don’t apply to my life). A friend once told me not to be too personal in my blog writing, or else I may one day regret it…but I don’t really care today. Prepare to have my soul bared to you all.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents / The person you miss the most

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 14 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 15 — Someone from your childhood

Day 16 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 17 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 18 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 19 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 20 — The last person you kissed/Someone that changed your life

Day 21 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 22 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 23 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 24 — Your reflection in the mirror